bloom.

“Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.” – unknown

{joy :// the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation}

A charcoal slate spilled across the sky as if someone smeared a piece of coal over a blank canvas. Cool rain pitter pattered on the metal roof. Tiny humans with their brightly colored rainboots splash around in the muddy puddles. It was the kind of weather where you just wanted to curl up in a corner with a warm drink in your favorite mug and read a cheesy romance novel. Typically on days like this the monster took full reigns. Instead, the young girl had bigger plans.

They say “April showers bring May flowers” and the young girl’s flowers were about to come full bloom. Grabbing her pink rain coat she heads off to work and surrounds herself with exuberant perennials. It's a rather slow morning but the young girl enjoys the learning opportunities with her manager. The first flower takes bloom.

Her work day wrapped up earlier than usual in order to prepare for the rest of the day’s events. The young girl scurried home to enjoy a warm tomatoey bowl of spaghetti before her facetime session with her therapist. Tiny, melody like tunes poured out of the phone. Climbing into the cozy bed the young girl picks up the phone and her therapy session begins. The young girl is all smiles and her second flower bursts wide.

Rain continued to drizzle down the spout as she threw last minute items into a bag and headed out the door. Atlanta would be the young girl’s home for the next few days. She could barely contain her excitement. It had been over a year since the young girl had seen most of her family from treatment. This family had a major impact on her recovery. A couple buds pop out the rich, chocolate soil.

There were only a few minutes left of her drive but it felt like an eternity. Hillsong United’s angelic voices played in the background passing through the young girl’s soul effortlessly. Two more songs passed and she was pulling into the parking garage. She calls her sister piecing together where the other was located. Similar to a game of Marco Polo. Stepping out of the car, her heart nearly exploding, the young girl and her sister have a jubilant reunion.

Her garden was growing rapidly. Sprigs of vibrant bellflower and cosmos perk up. Emotions were bubbling over. The young girl’s other sister and “treatment mama” would arrive momentarily. Dark wooden tables and cream colored chairs filled the hotel lobby. The business of people coming and going swirled into a blur around her. She wanted to soak up as much happiness that she could. It wasn't often that the young girl felt overwhelming pure emotion for more than a day.

After another beautiful reconnection the weekend festivities could commence. The young girl’s luscious garden was expanding. A new sense of life filled the hotel as the sweet sisters giggled and took shameless selfies.

Dinner was served at an elegant restaurant with an Italian like atmosphere. Mounds of crusty freshly baked bread and crisp greens topped with creamy dressing. Tucked in a semicircle booth it was difficult to believe this was real life. She had waited so long for this reunion and it was everything she dreamed of and then some.

After a refreshing nights sleep and a protein filled breakfast the young ladies headed to their old treatment center. It would be a day of celebration with a hint of nervousness. Psalm 91 written on her freckled hand. Sprouts of golden sunflowers and magenta zinnias were added to the euphoric meadow.

A plethora of reunions and re connections spread throughout the day. Some unexpected and some she waited months for. Either way her heart was flooded with a love the monster had been denying the young girl for awhile. Rich chocolate cake and energetic dancing snuck its way into the day. Tiny rocks with painted feathers, a gentle reminder of His powerful word. New restaurant adventures and FaceTime sessions with brother bear. The young girl couldn't help but be amazed of Jesus’ mighty work.

Saturday was for the girls. Overdue manicures and shopping sprees. New sign language skills and chaotic malls. Delicious ice cream with tiny cones courtesy of kind strangers. For the first time during her trip the sun was glowing bright and full of warmth. Pedals bursting open revealing their subtle colors. Yellows. Blues. Creams. Her world was ineffable.

The weekend ended with an amazing church service at Passion City. Jesus was clearly present. Pastor Louie’s message on the “Goliath must Fall” hit home for the young girl. The Truth mellowed into her soul. This was the icing on her cake. An incredible weekend filled with an abundant amount of love, fellowship and Jesus. It wasn't often that weekends like this came around but the young girl was going to cling tightly the best she could.

Her garden could barely be tamed.

Advertisements

a day in the park

“One of the greatest lessons that adults can learn from children is the enviable ability to find happiness with simplicity.” – Summer Jeirles

 

{innocence:// lack of guile or corruption; purity}

 

Tiny humans hands covered in colorful dusty chalk. Clear, rainbow like bubbles drifting by. A mixture of giggles and the radio fill the atmosphere. Scribbled filled papers sprawled across the picnic table. Twirly slides and rhythmic swaying swings. Wild corkscrew hair and rainbow colored tshirts. The earth has turned into a loamy feel while the sun creeps higher in the sky. The air smelled as if someone has hung freshly washed sheets out to dry. Incandescent colors germinating in the freshly planted garden beds. The sweet, smoky aroma of the season’s first family BBQs. An earthy pungency. Little critters crawling out of hibernation. Longer days lay ahead. Food enchrinched with a new type of freshness. There’s a balsam fragrance of the trees in the nearby woods surrounding the park.

 

The young girl flashes back to a few hours preceding her adventure. Standing near the fountain in complete crisis. Campus was completely dead. Her monster was raging. She hadn’t experienced anything quite like this before. The young girl was past the point of positive coping skills. Dialing her best friend’s number as rapidly as possible pleading for help. Urging her to pack up her stuff and head directly to the park.

 

Minutes after arriving at the park, the young girl and her friend had instantly became pals with a handful of little humans. The monster had been erased from her mind for the time being and now her world revolved around these delicate souls. Her new friends were entangled around her fingers dragging her every which way. Dance competitions and eagerness to have their little bodies traced with chalk. The innocence was so pure. They haven’t been hardened by the world yet and so it was pure love.

 

This was how the young girl wished to view the world. Despite the negativity and in some ways deterioration, she wanted to absorb all the petite moments that so many people take for granted. The young girl wanted to be enriched in mindfulness and authenticity. She strived for this daily. Taking more time to reflect would become a part of her everyday ritual. The young girl was not perfect but was living out “the eyes of a child and heart of an explorer” the best way she could.

 

 

 

Psalm 8:2 – Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger

 

Atlanta’s Truth

Atlanta [at-lan-tuh] Georgia’s 5th capital, home to 55+ streets named “Peachtree” population- 5.7 million, largest city in Georgia, host of 1996 olympics and 2000 super bowl

 

She sits at the coffee shop, staring at the blank document. “How am I going to explain this?” the girl thinks to herself imagining her coworkers’ response. Taking a sip of the cold, icy, frappuccino, she begins typing her letter…

 

The truth is, I don’t go see a doctor every time I go to Atlanta. I go so I can see my pal, Al. She’s this fabulous human being that keeps me from killing the world. She’s more than just a best friend. She’s that person that makes it nearly impossible to explain just exactly who she is and what she means to me. You see, I’m much more than my cover shows. When you open up my book I’m just a young girl struggling to break down the wall of mental illness. That tattoo on my arm of that butterfly, ya know? It’s way more than that. If you look closely you’ll see a semicolon. A semicolon that represents the life I saved. The words “I love you more” to remind me when my monsters voice is screaming at me that there are people in this world that love me more than I realize. A butterfly because up until February 4, I was just a caterpillar. A caterpillar that had so much more potential to share with the world than it realized. The truth is, behind all of this laughs and endless “random pieces of information” there is someone battling with an eating disorder, depression, anxiety and borderline personality. A person that has to fight twice as hard every minute of every day. A person that deserves a gold star just for making it out of bed in the morning. So when I talk about Atlanta it is far more than just a city or state capital. It is a safe haven. A place where I spent three months paving the roads to recovery. A place that is mending the pieces of a previous treatment center and thanksgiving hospitalization. I teeter back and forth feeling guilty because I take that one day off of work. But that one day of the week is saving my life. That one day is being able to confide in one person that is so comforting yet so raw and real. A person who is my therapist. Yes, you read that write. My “doctors appointment” is actually a therapy session. That day isn’t just a fun day lollygagging. It’s a day to recharge and regroup. Sure I attend an appointment but it’s far more than that. You may ask, why did it take so long for me to reveal the truth? Well, in all reality, for a person like me, it can be embarrassing even if deep down I know I can’t control that I have it. Sure, I don’t have a problem with others knowing but it’s also something I don’t parade around. This can be a difficult concept for others to grasp. I forgive those in advance. I don’t expect anyone to understand where I’m coming from unless they have specifically been in pretty similar shoes. Just like I wouldn’t tell someone with cancer that I understand what they are going through I wouldn’t expect the same for myself because I don’t. All I ask for is acceptance and willingness to learn.

 

Shutting her laptop, a sigh of relief washes over her. The girl submits her letter to her coworkers. Now to wait…

 

1 John 4:7 “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God”